Love & Hirsutism: A Tale of Hair-Mony

For all you ladies that think having Hirsutism and PCOS is holding you  back from finding that person, let me be the one to tell you: you’re overthinking it. There are plenty of us women who have excessive facial hair who have come across great people to love, hold, and pluck our chin hairs. I found mine 7 years ago and I’d love to share my tail of love with ya’ll.  

Hirsutism? PCOS? You’re Not Alone

First of all what is Hirsutism and how do you pronounce it?

Hirsutism, pronounced HER-SIT-IZM is defined by MayoClinic as a condition found in women that results in excessive growth of dark or coarse hair in a male-like pattern on places like your face, chin, chest, thighs, stomach, or other places where women don’t “commonly” grow hair.  With hirsutism, extra hair growth often arises from excess male hormones (androgens), primarily testosterone.

Now that we’re all clear on the definition and pronunciation, let’s continue. In my downtime, I go around reading sad stories about hirsutism. I sometimes Google things like:

Celebrities with Hirsutism
Hirsutism pics
Female Facial Hair
Women with facial hair
PCOS facial hair
Women with Hirsutism and PCOS 

And so on and so forth. My aim is to read stories about how this condition has hindered someone. Usually, what I find is that these women are depressed, insecure, sad, feel embarrassed, ashamed or confused about their condition. I read their posts and respond by giving some uplifting words of encouragement. I go on my way hoping they took my words and put them to good use, hoping it gave them a more positive outlook on their condition.

Your Facial Hair is Flawless

The other day, I came across a young lady’s post. She pretty much said that she doesn’t know if she will ever be able to find love or be with anyone. She said she wished she could be like other girls. She said she saw the condition as a sign that she would never find love. Now, I’m sure many of you ladies have probably said the same thing at one point of your life or another.

I felt bad for her.

She was young, not like a teenager, but like early twenties. Anyway, I did what I usually do and I told her what I’m about to tell you all:

When I was younger, I was also really insecure about the way I looked. I had excessive hair on my neck and chin and had serious dark spots all over my neck. I was so self-conscious about it that I did what most of us ladies do: I went and bought makeup to try to cover up the dark spots and hide the dark coarse hairs on my chin and neck. For years following, I wore makeup and messed up so many of my tops from all the staining. But I’ll tell you what, I didn’t care, I was only concerned about my neck and face being the same shade and trying to look as normal as possible

He Asked About The Dark Spots On My Neck..

One day, I came across an old friend from High School. We began talking and seeing each other more over time which eventually led to us dating. One night we were out on a date and he decided to ask me:

 “What’s wrong with your neck?”

 And he also asked why it looked the way it did- talking about my dark spots and hyperpigmentation. Mind you, the whole time I was thinking I was in the clear, thinking I was good to go and we would’ve never had to talk about said neck. But, I was wrong, and he had something else to say about it. Now, I know what you’re thinking:

“How dare he ask you about your neck, what a turn-off!” 

Well, at the time I felt like I was caught red-handed. I really have to say a sense of embarrassment and shame came over me, but I had to suck it up. I explained to him that I had a condition called Hirsutism and due to the excessive hair growth on my neck, I have to shave. I told him that shaving led to my dark spots, ingrown hairs, and hyperpigmentation. And do you know how he responded? Do you know what he said after I explained myself? He said:

“Well can you take that sh*t off your neck? It’s getting on my clothes. I can teach you how to shave correctly so you won’t have those issues.”

Can you believe it?? This man was going to TEACH ME how to shave correctly. He didn’t have a problem with what I thought was a major issue and insecurity when it came to dating.

Bold and Beautiful

I had always figured that at some point, letting someone get to know me deeply would allow that person to come across all of my imperfections. I knew I really needed to stay true to my personality and not give my looks so much importance. Later, my partner actually told me that the makeup made it look worse than just having my skin bare. This was good to hear and it made me feel much more secure in my skin knowing that someone I cared about loved me for me and not for what I looked like- beauty is only skin deep.

I say all this because I know there are so many women out there who need to hear this. Having Hirsutism or PCOS and the visual side effects of these conditions can really take a toll on your self-esteem. They can make you feel ugly, insecure, ashamed, unworthy, and worst of all, leave you in a cycle of comparing yourself to others and what they look like. I’m here to tell you:

You’re beautiful with the excess hair
You’re beautiful with with those dark spots
You’re beautiful with hyperpigmentation 

Don’t sweat it, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.

I Found My Person

This made me wonder about the other guys I dated. Why didn’t they say anything about it? I came to the conclusion that maybe they weren’t honest and outspoken enough to deal with having deep conversations. It made me realize I had found the perfect guy. Someone who not only was curious enough to ask questions, but someone who helped me along the way. The best part of all this is that we’re married now and have been together for seven years. It was my personality, confidence, and sarcasm he fell in love with- everything that is found deep within your skin, not on the top of it.

Love Yourself

So, if you come across someone who is questioning your looks, try not to get defensive or upset. You never know what will happen next! It could be the person that changes your life. But, if you still feel self conscious about your look, seek an honest friend and ask for their opinion. Self-confidence is attractive, so whip that (chin) hair back and forth.

Trust, it’s only a matter of time before you find that one special someone to accept you as you are, with or without hair. Someday, love will find you.

Do you have a similar story? Has someone ever called you out on your hirsutism or PCOS hairs, scars, or hyperpigmentation? We’d love to hear from you, leave a comment below!

Check out our product collection to find all natural and organic solutions to your Hirsutism and PCOS problems.

Jasmine Nelson
CEO of Umber, by J. Lenay